Legal · Screamr

There is no lawyer here

Screamr does not currently employ a General Counsel. The seat has been open since March. Until it is filled we publish no terms, no ownership statement, no cookie notice, no do not sell request form and no trust center, because each of those is a document that binds us and there is nobody here permitted to write one.

The five links were not left broken. A broken link is a fault, and a fault gets filed and fixed by whoever is nearest. This is not a fault. The links work, and they arrive at an accurate description of what sits behind them. This page is the most current legal documentation Screamr has produced.

If you followed the link marked Cookies, you were looking for a cookie notice and you have been given a job posting. We considered the alternatives. A page reading coming soon is a commitment with a date inside it. A document written by an engineer over a weekend is a document written by an engineer over a weekend. This was the third option.

Nothing below is legal advice, a representation, a warranty, or a term of any kind. It is an inventory, and it was accurate at the moment this page rendered.

The five documents, and where each one is

In the order they appear in the footer. None of these statuses has moved this year.

Drafted, unreviewed

Nine hundred words, written over a weekend in 2023 by an engineer who had read another company’s. It uses the word perpetual four times. Nobody with a bar number has read it.

Scream ownership

Exists as a voice memo

The position is not in doubt. The five seconds are yours and everything after them is ours; the manifesto says so in one sentence and the approved boilerplate says so in another. The reasoning behind it exists in exactly one place, a nine minute voice memo recorded in a parking structure and filed alongside the screams. It has never been transcribed. This company does not have a process for playing things back.

Do not sell my scream

Link only

The link is there because the statute requires a link. The link is supposed to open a request form, the form is supposed to reach a process, and the process is supposed to reach a person. We have the link.

One cookie, undescribed

We set one cookie. It is signed, it is HttpOnly, and it identifies your browser so the wall knows which screams you have already echoed and so your free allowance survives a reload. There is no second cookie and there is no third party. That is the whole of the disclosure, and a disclosure is not a policy.

Trust center

Two pills

A trust center lists the certifications a company holds. We hold a posture. The footer of this site carries a pill reading SOC 2 pending and a second reading HIPAA adjacent, and the second one was written by marketing and has never been read against the statute it names.

None of the five is blocked on money, on engineering, or on a decision that has not been made. All five are blocked on the same empty seat.

What exists in their place

The company is not undocumented. It is unrepresented, which is a different condition and a worse one. The four things below are real and current. None of them is enforceable against anybody.

The silence policy

Version 6.0, effective March 3, 2026. A genuine policy, enforced, binding on every employee, contractor, advisor and vendor. Section 10.4 directs questions about it to the General Counsel.

One line of fine print

Beside the record button, second of three notes: “Recording indicates you have read nothing and agreed to everything.” It is the most accurate sentence on this site and it is the closest thing we have to terms.

One sentence that cleared counsel

Both approved boilerplate paragraphs in the press kit end with the same sentence, and it went through our previous counsel twice. It is the only line on this site a lawyer has read on purpose.

An email

Our previous counsel described the arrangement covering the canon as aspirational. The word moved from that email to the line under the canon table on the homepage, and it remains the whole of our position on recordings we did not make.

Several pages on this site refer to our counsel in the present tense. Our counsel confirms that the .ai is sufficient. Counsel has asked that we say nothing further about the social security number. Counsel is reviewing the vesting schedule. All three are accurate quotations. All three are quoting the same archived inbox. The review continues on the authority of the last email in it.

What has not been reviewed

A General Counsel would look at the following in the first week. We are listing it here rather than in the interview, because all of it is visible from the outside anyway and because a candidate should know what the first week contains.

41,403,634

Screams held, none under a signed agreement

$84M

Raised on terms we wrote ourselves

Legal documents published, all time

Roles open in the Legal department

We hold 41,403,634 screams permanently, on behalf of people who agreed to nothing because there was nothing for them to agree to. Nothing has ever been returned and nothing has ever left the queue. Both figures appear on the investors page, where they are reported as retention.

We hold a canon of historically significant recordings that we did not make. Our own copy describes one of them as a registered trademark. The line under that table reads “Licensing status: aspirational,” and it has been there as long as the table has.

A modal on this site asks for a social security number and offers three additional screams in return. The number is checked for shape and then discarded. Our previous counsel asked that we describe it as under review and then say nothing further, and we have been saying exactly that since March, on the authority of an email.

The wall is public, permanent and unmoderated. Its transcripts are machine-generated and nobody has confirmed that any of them are accurate. Anyone may press play. One of the screams on it is filed under the name Withheld, role Legal.

The listing

One listing. It is the only role in the Legal department and it is the reason for everything above. The copy below is the listing exactly as it stands on the careers page.

General Counsel

We hold a number of historically significant screams under a licensing arrangement our previous counsel described in an email as aspirational. This role begins immediately and involves several phone calls that have already been scheduled.

Department

Legal

Location

In person, Fresno

Compensation

Competitive, urgently

Start date

Immediately

You will

·Resolve the canon

·Define what a scream is, legally

·Advise on the social security number thing

The process published on the careers page is five stages and roughly eleven weeks. It is accurate for every other role we have open. This one is two stages.

The work sample was removed. It asks a candidate what should be done with a scream, and for this role that is the job rather than a test of it. The panel was removed as well. It is four conversations, and we would rather have the four conversations after the start date.

Median time from scream to offer across the company is eleven weeks. Internally we have committed to nine days on this one. Nobody has asked what happens on the tenth.

The listing mentions several phone calls that have already been scheduled. They were scheduled by the person who held this seat. They have not been canceled, only moved, and they will be moved again.

How to apply for it

Applications here are a five second scream. That is not a screening instrument selected for this role. It is the only one we have, and the person best placed to object to it is the person we are trying to hire.

Record it on the careers page with General Counsel in the role field. Nobody will play it. Its arrival is logged, and the log is read every fifteen minutes by somebody at a desk.

Scream your cover letter Read the listing in place

The line under the canon table on the homepage reads “Licensing status: aspirational. Our legal team is one scream away from resolution.” That is not a figure of speech.